So I am watching American Idol and I am thinking to myself that I prefer
this, because I can use it as background noise. There is no real reason why
I would stick around and watch the commercials. Does the survey data that
uses about 1,000 people to figure out what America is watching take into
account that there is a percentage of the population that will skip the
commercials?
Just imagine what we could do if we controlled these polls that use a
highly-skilled form of sampling the population. Well, not the people doing
the sampling-forget them. They are just weirdos anyway. I am talking about
the people that are being surveyed. If we figure out who these people are
then we can control them and push our own agenda.
Perhaps this was already done and someone figured out how to manipulate the
market. Perhaps this could explain reality shows and pageants. They must
have been really pissed at their parents and decided to hose the rest of
America.
You know who I blame-besides Gray Davis (Gray Davis drowns puppies)-I blame
the parents. They made us and these are the kinds of depictions and outcomes
that they should have expected from all of their Dr. Spocks and Oprahs
telling them how to raise us.
Yes, if you are a Baby Boomer then I blame you. You should have done a
better job. Now I have to sit through shows like The Swan and The Simple
Life, and there is not a goddamn thing on TV except for reality shows. What
kind of world do we live in when anyone famous puts a camera on them and I
have to sit through it?
Why, Baby Boomers? Why didn't you raise us the way your parents raised you?
Why did you embrace the hippie way? Why? Why do I have to sit through
another reality show? I suppose I could read a book, but why can't I do what
I used to do in the summer and watch reruns? I miss reruns...now it is
syndication. We really need to find those thousand people, don't we?
Thank you for reading,
Vincent
So I am watching American Idol and I am thinking to myself that I prefer
this, because I can use it as background noise. There is no real reason why
I would stick around and watch the commercials. Does the survey data that
uses about 1,000 people to figure out what America is watching take into
account that there is a percentage of the population that will skip the
commercials?
Just imagine what we could do if we controlled these polls that use a
highly-skilled form of sampling the population. Well, not the people doing
the sampling-forget them. They are just weirdos anyway. I am talking about
the people that are being surveyed. If we figure out who these people are
then we can control them and push our own agenda.
Perhaps this was already done and someone figured out how to manipulate the
market. Perhaps this could explain reality shows and pageants. They must
have been really pissed at their parents and decided to hose the rest of
America.
You know who I blame-besides Gray Davis (Gray Davis drowns puppies)-I blame
the parents. They made us and these are the kinds of depictions and outcomes
that they should have expected from all of their Dr. Spocks and Oprahs
telling them how to raise us.
Yes, if you are a Baby Boomer then I blame you. You should have done a
better job. Now I have to sit through shows like The Swan and The Simple
Life, and there is not a goddamn thing on TV except for reality shows. What
kind of world do we live in when anyone famous puts a camera on them and I
have to sit through it?
Why, Baby Boomers? Why didn't you raise us the way your parents raised you?
Why did you embrace the hippie way? Why? Why do I have to sit through
another reality show? I suppose I could read a book, but why can't I do what
I used to do in the summer and watch reruns? I miss reruns...now it is
syndication. We really need to find those thousand people, don't we?
Thank you for reading,
Vincent
Thursday, May 27, 2004
Wednesday, May 12, 2004
Commercials
Okay...I just saw a commercial advertising a Mexican Caesar Salad. Let's all
get multi-cultural! Hey buddy, the Caesar Salad is MEXICAN!!! It was
invented in Tijuana by a guy named Caesar Cardini. Now, if you see the flaw
in that argument then you have done your homework.
Commercials are thirty-second spots carefully crafted with a specific agenda
in mind, built upon tools of persuasion in order to get a desired result out
of a person. Did you know that people go to school for this? There are
actually classes in how to advertise, how to shape a person's world view so
they will buy your product. Am I the only person that sees a problem in
this?
Then are the people that thought up some of these lame ideas, like the Pizza
Hut Buffalo Wing pizza. My first beef is with these pizza places putting
wings on pizza. Look, Buffalo Wings are spicy chicken wings. Buffalo, NY,
was famous for their unique style of chicken wings, so they named them
Buffalo Wings. The second problem is that not only was someone so high that
he probably thought that Ike Turner was the Prime Minister of Canada, but he
also had the chutzpah to pitch this idea to his boss...and his boss loved
it!
I know how this whole thing went down: Two buddies get together after not
hanging out like they used to. They steal their sons' pot and go to the
basement to smoke out. They stay up all night drinking, smoking, and coming
up with the ultimate idea. They are going to put Buffalo Wings on the pizza.
"Yeah, that would be good-chicken on pizza! It's like the chicken is on the
pizza, and the pizza is sort of around it!" They get to bed around four AM
and have to get up early because they have to attend a brainstorming session
with their VP. So they drag themselves to work for the brainstorming
session. One of them mutters, "Let's put chicken on pizza." Some stuffy
update person utters, "Been done." One of the guys turns and says,
"No...Buffalo Wings!" The other guy chuckles and says, "But we would remove
the wing--you know, the bone...that would just be bad." So the ad exec goes
home and tells the humorous anecdote from work. His baked son says "Wow, I
would eat that!" The idea pops into his head: If his son likes it, it must
be cool, and if it's cool it will sell. This could be the idea to get him
promoted. Sadly, it's the idea that is soon going to have him making indie
commercials in Northern California.
Look, there is a reason why this stuff doesn't catch on. It's like McDonald'
s selling shark sandwiches-it's a really dumb idea. Who in their right mind
would eat such a thing?
Now people are suing McDonald's because it made them fat. These are the same
morons that thought fried sushi was a great idea and wonder why McDonald's
didn't go for it. They should just keep the Big Mac, Whopper, Famous Star,
regular fries..the basics; that is all that really sells (In-n-Out CASE IN
POINT!!!) One size, take it or leave it. Good food will sell itself. That,
and a really catchy tune ("In-n-Out , In-n-Out , that's what a hamburger is
all about"). Now that is genius, but still a very well-crafted,
well-engineered marketing ploy. This is why some ad execs and marketing
people seek out new careers. Where are the people who thought that New Coke
was a great idea? And where are the people that pitched a clear Pepsi?
get multi-cultural! Hey buddy, the Caesar Salad is MEXICAN!!! It was
invented in Tijuana by a guy named Caesar Cardini. Now, if you see the flaw
in that argument then you have done your homework.
Commercials are thirty-second spots carefully crafted with a specific agenda
in mind, built upon tools of persuasion in order to get a desired result out
of a person. Did you know that people go to school for this? There are
actually classes in how to advertise, how to shape a person's world view so
they will buy your product. Am I the only person that sees a problem in
this?
Then are the people that thought up some of these lame ideas, like the Pizza
Hut Buffalo Wing pizza. My first beef is with these pizza places putting
wings on pizza. Look, Buffalo Wings are spicy chicken wings. Buffalo, NY,
was famous for their unique style of chicken wings, so they named them
Buffalo Wings. The second problem is that not only was someone so high that
he probably thought that Ike Turner was the Prime Minister of Canada, but he
also had the chutzpah to pitch this idea to his boss...and his boss loved
it!
I know how this whole thing went down: Two buddies get together after not
hanging out like they used to. They steal their sons' pot and go to the
basement to smoke out. They stay up all night drinking, smoking, and coming
up with the ultimate idea. They are going to put Buffalo Wings on the pizza.
"Yeah, that would be good-chicken on pizza! It's like the chicken is on the
pizza, and the pizza is sort of around it!" They get to bed around four AM
and have to get up early because they have to attend a brainstorming session
with their VP. So they drag themselves to work for the brainstorming
session. One of them mutters, "Let's put chicken on pizza." Some stuffy
update person utters, "Been done." One of the guys turns and says,
"No...Buffalo Wings!" The other guy chuckles and says, "But we would remove
the wing--you know, the bone...that would just be bad." So the ad exec goes
home and tells the humorous anecdote from work. His baked son says "Wow, I
would eat that!" The idea pops into his head: If his son likes it, it must
be cool, and if it's cool it will sell. This could be the idea to get him
promoted. Sadly, it's the idea that is soon going to have him making indie
commercials in Northern California.
Look, there is a reason why this stuff doesn't catch on. It's like McDonald'
s selling shark sandwiches-it's a really dumb idea. Who in their right mind
would eat such a thing?
Now people are suing McDonald's because it made them fat. These are the same
morons that thought fried sushi was a great idea and wonder why McDonald's
didn't go for it. They should just keep the Big Mac, Whopper, Famous Star,
regular fries..the basics; that is all that really sells (In-n-Out CASE IN
POINT!!!) One size, take it or leave it. Good food will sell itself. That,
and a really catchy tune ("In-n-Out , In-n-Out , that's what a hamburger is
all about"). Now that is genius, but still a very well-crafted,
well-engineered marketing ploy. This is why some ad execs and marketing
people seek out new careers. Where are the people who thought that New Coke
was a great idea? And where are the people that pitched a clear Pepsi?
Friday, May 7, 2004
What Do I Think About
VincentClark Enterprise is now accepting ad banners. Currently there are two banners and one advertisement on VincentClark.net. We are hoping to expand on that in the months to come. VincentClark Enterprise is also pleased to announce that we successfully turned down Ilacas Enterprise's (http://ilacas.com) hostile takeover bid. The board voted to reject the deal on March 7, 2004 and is looking at taking over Ilacas.com. More information will be provided when the details are ready to be released to the public. People often ask me, "Vince, what do you think about late at night after you successfully weeded out all the loosers in your phone book, purged all the e-mail addresses of people that you don't want to contact again, what is it that you think about?" Why does my clock in the car slow down? I think I have this one figured out.You see, the closer you get to the speed of light the slower time goes. So when you are in constant motion in your car time is slightly slower than a stationary object. So if Einstein is right, then we will have shorter life spans depending upon our travel. Or is it the other way around, not quite sure, but this being in constant motion cannot be a good thing. Even when we are standing still, we are still on a rock that is spinning around 1,000 miles an hour spinning around a star at god knows how fast, the star is circling the center of the galaxy and the galaxy is expanding. How fast are we really going? What would happen if we were completely stop. Which gets me to think about ghosts. If they have no weight to them how are they staying on this planet and not being launched into space? If a Cadillac is going at the speed of light, what would happen if it turned on its headlights? Well if the same Cadillac was going 80 miles per hour and turn on its headlight, why is it that we can see them, since technically the lights are going at the speed of light plus 80 miles per hour. Not to mention the speed of merely existing on this planet, what is time? I am confused. With a trailing thought, look Souther California blows. Its bad enough with this heat in March, but if I see one more car commercial or financial investor getting cozy with their clients I am going to flip. This isn't right, they are hounding us commercial break after commercial break. That is why I will no longer eat, do, or buy anything I see on a commercial in Southern California.I feel like I am taking crazy pills! So watch out Seattle, if this keeps up so am I. (Get it, keeps up, Seattle north of us, up, get it?) Thanks for reading, Vincent Clark
[originally posted in asp version of the newsletter prior to 5/07/2004]
[originally posted in asp version of the newsletter prior to 5/07/2004]
Testing New Engine
Hello all, no this is not a real newsletter, sorry to disappoint you David. A new newsletter will be coming out in the next couple of days. Right now I just inputed all of your e-mails into the new system. I am not sure if all of you will get this so when you do please reply to the e-mail and let me know. For those of you wishing to unsubscribe, this new engine now has that functionality and yes it actually works. You can read all the past newsletters at http://vincentclark.net/newsletter/newsletter_views.php
Thank you,
Vincent
Thank you,
Vincent
Infinite Number of Monkeys
VincentClark Enterprise is planning to move VincentClark.com and all of its
assets to its new server running PHP as opposed to ASP, which means this is
going to get a little tricky. The part that impacts you the most is that the
newsletter engine will soon be powered by PHP, not ASP. Again this is going
to be a challenge. So please bear with us during the transition.
You know, a friend of mine told me that my photo was really gorgeous and
that I have a lot of talent in taking photos.
http://vincentclark.com/opa/dir.asp ) I had to disagree. I don't have any
talent at photography; I just have a knack for being at the right place at
the right time.
A theory states that if you have an infinite number of monkeys with an
infinite number of keyboards you will soon get the complete works of
Shakespeare. Who is that infinite monkey that banged out the scripts? That
monkey is me. You see, I have no real talent with computers, I just hit a
bunch of keys and eventually something is produced. No talent, I am just
that infinite monkey writing the code that is needed or taking that photo at
the exact right moment. Perhaps that is what talent is-the infinite monkey.
Who knows? Just a thought...
Thanks for reading,
Vincent
assets to its new server running PHP as opposed to ASP, which means this is
going to get a little tricky. The part that impacts you the most is that the
newsletter engine will soon be powered by PHP, not ASP. Again this is going
to be a challenge. So please bear with us during the transition.
You know, a friend of mine told me that my photo was really gorgeous and
that I have a lot of talent in taking photos.
http://vincentclark.com/opa/dir.asp ) I had to disagree. I don't have any
talent at photography; I just have a knack for being at the right place at
the right time.
A theory states that if you have an infinite number of monkeys with an
infinite number of keyboards you will soon get the complete works of
Shakespeare. Who is that infinite monkey that banged out the scripts? That
monkey is me. You see, I have no real talent with computers, I just hit a
bunch of keys and eventually something is produced. No talent, I am just
that infinite monkey writing the code that is needed or taking that photo at
the exact right moment. Perhaps that is what talent is-the infinite monkey.
Who knows? Just a thought...
Thanks for reading,
Vincent
Fresh out of Ideas
Is it me or are we fresh out of ideas? How many versions of the same show
must we watch? Have you ever seen "that episode where one neighbor finds out
that there property line encompasses their next door neighbor's property?" I
was heartbroken to see That 70's Show do such a lame and reused plot line.
It is almost as bad as "that season where the main couple are broken up."
You know that one.
Do you ever get a great idea, but there is no computer, pen, or voice
recorder near by? I think the worst thing in the world is to have that
thought jump into your mind and then jump out just quick enough for you to
remember that you had that thought. You know...that perfect thought, the one
that if you could hold it long enough to write down, it would be gold. You
know that the thought could end world hunger, bring peace to the middle
East, get Kerry elected, do the impossible. What is so terrible about that?
You can't remember the thought if your life depended on it. It's gone,
nowhere to be found; all you have left is that memory of what the thought
was about.
You see, you need to break everything down to its molecular level. Take
reality television, for example. You have these shows: American Idol, Making
The Band, and Americas Most Talented Teen [Thank God that didn't get
renewed]. These comprise the "Beauty Pageant" reality genre. Fear Factor,
Survivor, Temptation Island...these are your "Cops" genre, where we want to
see someone drunk or tired make an ass out of themselves. Then you have The
Apprentice to add to the "Real World" genre. Why is it that race always
seems to play a part in this genre? They can knock off ten white people, but
when they get to an African American all of the sudden it's racism. Put it
to rest, please. The Real World already beat the race card to death. In the
beauty pageant genre you have shows that try to trump the previous shows,
like The Swan. For those of you who haven't seen it, they take ugly girls
who are insecure about their looks, give them cosmetic surgery, and then put
them in a beauty contest where they're judged by their looks. So, if they
don't win they'll still be insecure about their looks even after the
surgery. Now if that show is not the sickest concept, then I don't know what
is.
These shows have become more like professional wrestling that even
professional wrestling. It is all the same idea kicked around and
repackaged. There is nothing original to it. Even Star Wars was just Cowboys
and Indians in Space. It seems that all these ideas are regurgitated
thoughts of corporate executives. We are constantly remaking old shows into
movies, reusing code, repurposing engines. I mean, I have played many games
on the Quake 3 engine. When is the Quake 4 engine coming out? Are we happy
with the same game play, just with different buildings and maps?
When will that next great thought that we so desperately need come? Can we
see past all this bullshit and recognize it when it comes? Or will it just
be blurted out by some random stranger when nobody is listening and be lost
forever?
Friday will be National Hawaiian Shirt and Two Different Shoes Day. It
doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out how to celebrate it, so I will
leave it up to you to learn how to best honor the day.
If there is a subject that you want me to cover please feel free to e-mail me the topic.
Thanks for reading,
Vincent
must we watch? Have you ever seen "that episode where one neighbor finds out
that there property line encompasses their next door neighbor's property?" I
was heartbroken to see That 70's Show do such a lame and reused plot line.
It is almost as bad as "that season where the main couple are broken up."
You know that one.
Do you ever get a great idea, but there is no computer, pen, or voice
recorder near by? I think the worst thing in the world is to have that
thought jump into your mind and then jump out just quick enough for you to
remember that you had that thought. You know...that perfect thought, the one
that if you could hold it long enough to write down, it would be gold. You
know that the thought could end world hunger, bring peace to the middle
East, get Kerry elected, do the impossible. What is so terrible about that?
You can't remember the thought if your life depended on it. It's gone,
nowhere to be found; all you have left is that memory of what the thought
was about.
You see, you need to break everything down to its molecular level. Take
reality television, for example. You have these shows: American Idol, Making
The Band, and Americas Most Talented Teen [Thank God that didn't get
renewed]. These comprise the "Beauty Pageant" reality genre. Fear Factor,
Survivor, Temptation Island...these are your "Cops" genre, where we want to
see someone drunk or tired make an ass out of themselves. Then you have The
Apprentice to add to the "Real World" genre. Why is it that race always
seems to play a part in this genre? They can knock off ten white people, but
when they get to an African American all of the sudden it's racism. Put it
to rest, please. The Real World already beat the race card to death. In the
beauty pageant genre you have shows that try to trump the previous shows,
like The Swan. For those of you who haven't seen it, they take ugly girls
who are insecure about their looks, give them cosmetic surgery, and then put
them in a beauty contest where they're judged by their looks. So, if they
don't win they'll still be insecure about their looks even after the
surgery. Now if that show is not the sickest concept, then I don't know what
is.
These shows have become more like professional wrestling that even
professional wrestling. It is all the same idea kicked around and
repackaged. There is nothing original to it. Even Star Wars was just Cowboys
and Indians in Space. It seems that all these ideas are regurgitated
thoughts of corporate executives. We are constantly remaking old shows into
movies, reusing code, repurposing engines. I mean, I have played many games
on the Quake 3 engine. When is the Quake 4 engine coming out? Are we happy
with the same game play, just with different buildings and maps?
When will that next great thought that we so desperately need come? Can we
see past all this bullshit and recognize it when it comes? Or will it just
be blurted out by some random stranger when nobody is listening and be lost
forever?
Friday will be National Hawaiian Shirt and Two Different Shoes Day. It
doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out how to celebrate it, so I will
leave it up to you to learn how to best honor the day.
If there is a subject that you want me to cover please feel free to e-mail me the topic.
Thanks for reading,
Vincent
Cristos Eneste
Christos Eneste!!!
In the week before Easter my thoughts rationally tend to drift to the good
friends that we have lost along the way. I think a great deal about the
sanctity of human life. After a bloody week for Americans in Iraq, this
sanctity is even more of a reality. I have been thinking a great deal about
9/11 in the last week but my thoughts don't stop there. I think about the
first World Trade Center bombing and the ten people killed in that attack. I
think about the passenger of the Akili Larow (I know I spelled that one
wrong) that was murdered for being an American Jew, Terry Anderson, and how
he spent eight years in captivity with Terry Wait and the other hostages
held in Lebanon. They will never be the same again and neither will the
families of those who lost loved ones when the sky fell on September 11,
2001.
Then I think about my friend Dena who died at twenty years old of brain
cancer and wonder if that is any less tragic. Thousands died in a chemical
attack that Saddam waged on a group of people whose crime was that they were
Kurdish. It is hard to look at the numbers: 20 soldiers killed this week in
Iraq, 3000 dead on 9/11, 100,000 massacred in Rwanda. They were all ones.
One person's life cut short because they did not belong to the right tribe,
and I was cured of Cancer-where is the sense in that?
We need to stop looking at the numbers and look more closely at the
individual. There are people dying because they were meant to by illness,
but there is so much death that centers around this fear of those who are
different. We didn't belong to the right tribe. That is why we were attacked
in Yemen, Kenya, Saudi Arabia, New York, Washington DC. Innocent people were
targeted because they were American or Jewish. When will this stop? When
will we as human beings stand up and say "enough is enough?" Life throws us
so much to deal with that is mere biology, but why does this sense of hate
need to complicate what is already a mess? When will people learn that we
have more in common than our differences?
One of the most beautiful things that I ever heard said about another person
was what Mother Teresa's biographer said about her. She was holding a dying
man in her arms and her biographer said, "She was holding him as if he were
Jesus Christ." And that, my friends, is the point of Christianity. Treat
everyone as if they were the most important person on the Earth, as if they
were God. You don't have to subscribe the Christian way of thinking to see
something of value here. Life is precious and needs to be defended. There
are millions of people out there that are murdered, unarmed, without the
ability to defend themselves, and we need to defend them, even at the risk
of our own lives. If we don't do it, who will?
Since we all can't join the Army or run off to aid the needy we can simply
be better people. Treat people as if they are the most important people on
the Earth; be better friends despite our differences. Some people might
disagree with this, but I feel strongly that human life means more to this
nation than it does in any other part of the world or time. For that I am
thankful and proud to be an American.
In the week before Easter my thoughts rationally tend to drift to the good
friends that we have lost along the way. I think a great deal about the
sanctity of human life. After a bloody week for Americans in Iraq, this
sanctity is even more of a reality. I have been thinking a great deal about
9/11 in the last week but my thoughts don't stop there. I think about the
first World Trade Center bombing and the ten people killed in that attack. I
think about the passenger of the Akili Larow (I know I spelled that one
wrong) that was murdered for being an American Jew, Terry Anderson, and how
he spent eight years in captivity with Terry Wait and the other hostages
held in Lebanon. They will never be the same again and neither will the
families of those who lost loved ones when the sky fell on September 11,
2001.
Then I think about my friend Dena who died at twenty years old of brain
cancer and wonder if that is any less tragic. Thousands died in a chemical
attack that Saddam waged on a group of people whose crime was that they were
Kurdish. It is hard to look at the numbers: 20 soldiers killed this week in
Iraq, 3000 dead on 9/11, 100,000 massacred in Rwanda. They were all ones.
One person's life cut short because they did not belong to the right tribe,
and I was cured of Cancer-where is the sense in that?
We need to stop looking at the numbers and look more closely at the
individual. There are people dying because they were meant to by illness,
but there is so much death that centers around this fear of those who are
different. We didn't belong to the right tribe. That is why we were attacked
in Yemen, Kenya, Saudi Arabia, New York, Washington DC. Innocent people were
targeted because they were American or Jewish. When will this stop? When
will we as human beings stand up and say "enough is enough?" Life throws us
so much to deal with that is mere biology, but why does this sense of hate
need to complicate what is already a mess? When will people learn that we
have more in common than our differences?
One of the most beautiful things that I ever heard said about another person
was what Mother Teresa's biographer said about her. She was holding a dying
man in her arms and her biographer said, "She was holding him as if he were
Jesus Christ." And that, my friends, is the point of Christianity. Treat
everyone as if they were the most important person on the Earth, as if they
were God. You don't have to subscribe the Christian way of thinking to see
something of value here. Life is precious and needs to be defended. There
are millions of people out there that are murdered, unarmed, without the
ability to defend themselves, and we need to defend them, even at the risk
of our own lives. If we don't do it, who will?
Since we all can't join the Army or run off to aid the needy we can simply
be better people. Treat people as if they are the most important people on
the Earth; be better friends despite our differences. Some people might
disagree with this, but I feel strongly that human life means more to this
nation than it does in any other part of the world or time. For that I am
thankful and proud to be an American.
My Vision
I have a dream-it is a small dream, but a practical one. This dream involves
our little nation friend Albania. With the right resources, I firmly believe
that a group of Americans can take this backwards country and make it into
something profitable. I have a couple of plans for Albania once I take over.
First is to take a small island off the coast and make it into "Coup Isle,"
which will be a fully independent sovereign nation. It is there that we will
have a retreat for business tycoons and the extremely wealthy. We have some
tanks and artillery that we will let them fire off and they can all run
around and throw a bloodless coup. They can then be the official leaders of
the country they just conquered. We will print them money with their faces
on it. They will be the official government for a period of two weeks. At
the end of the two weeks we stage another coup, fire off some artillery,
have a bonfire and then whisk away the group as they flee into exile.
Now for the rest of Albania. I don't see why I should claw and scratch my
way through US politics when someone with my sense of how things should work
can become the supreme chancellor of a small nation. I figure that I could
hold onto power for a few years, but eventually I'll be kicked out and I'll
have to flee in exile. Now this would be a great story to tell at happy
hour.
Next, I want to apply for a manager job at McDonald's. On the application
where it asks, "What was your previous employment?" I will put: Supreme
Dictator of Albania. Where it asks "Reason for leaving last job?" I will
put: Coup. If they ask if they can contact my previous employer, which would
be the people of Albania, I will say "No, I think they are quite pissed at
me right now."
So who is with me?
Vincent
our little nation friend Albania. With the right resources, I firmly believe
that a group of Americans can take this backwards country and make it into
something profitable. I have a couple of plans for Albania once I take over.
First is to take a small island off the coast and make it into "Coup Isle,"
which will be a fully independent sovereign nation. It is there that we will
have a retreat for business tycoons and the extremely wealthy. We have some
tanks and artillery that we will let them fire off and they can all run
around and throw a bloodless coup. They can then be the official leaders of
the country they just conquered. We will print them money with their faces
on it. They will be the official government for a period of two weeks. At
the end of the two weeks we stage another coup, fire off some artillery,
have a bonfire and then whisk away the group as they flee into exile.
Now for the rest of Albania. I don't see why I should claw and scratch my
way through US politics when someone with my sense of how things should work
can become the supreme chancellor of a small nation. I figure that I could
hold onto power for a few years, but eventually I'll be kicked out and I'll
have to flee in exile. Now this would be a great story to tell at happy
hour.
Next, I want to apply for a manager job at McDonald's. On the application
where it asks, "What was your previous employment?" I will put: Supreme
Dictator of Albania. Where it asks "Reason for leaving last job?" I will
put: Coup. If they ask if they can contact my previous employer, which would
be the people of Albania, I will say "No, I think they are quite pissed at
me right now."
So who is with me?
Vincent
Most controversial newsletter ever
It has been brought to my attention that my newsletter has lost its edge,
that I don't say anything controversial at all any more. Well, here it is,
my political opinion.
First on the list is the onslaught of commercials that portray men as whiny
helpless kids that desperately need the strong, well dressed, well
put-together woman to guide him and the family. At first this offended me,
but then one day I realized that men still make more money than women. After
that I felt much better.
What about the war in Iraq? I have seen one friend receive a purple heart
and another come home in a body bag, which made the war hit home. Do I still
think that we should have gone in? Of course I do. Remember, this is a group
of people that have publicly announced their intentions of wiping Israel and
America off the face of the map. These people need to be dealt with. They
think they can frighten us by downing a medical helicopter (which is how my
friend was killed, something that not even the Vietnamese did).
I say the next stop: Syria. And while we are at it, lets open a McDonald's
in each of these countries. In fact, lets build a McDonald's on the
outskirts of Mecca.
People say, "The US is not the world's police force." Well then who is? Is
it the UN? When they get some guts to actually do something, then we might
let them take over the job.
As in Spain, Europe shows that when they get attacked by aggressors they're
cowards because they don't want to get hit again. Hence they let Nazi
Germany run through Europe virtually unopposed. They would have let the
Soviets do the same, but naturally the Americans stopped them. Hell, they
couldn't even take care of the Serbs without our help.
Now people say, "Where are the weapons of mass destruction? Bush lied."
Well, we bombed Serbia for 70 days with depleted uranium shells that
destroyed the Yugoslavian infrastructure on the promise that there were mass
graves. Well, Clinton supporters, where are the mass graves that we were
promised? Did Clinton wage an unjust war on Serbia? I believe that anyone
that announces their intentions to wipe America off the face of the Earth
should be dealt with swiftly and comprehensively-end of story.
If there is a controversial topic you would like me to explore please e-mail
me.
Thank you for reading,
Vincent
that I don't say anything controversial at all any more. Well, here it is,
my political opinion.
First on the list is the onslaught of commercials that portray men as whiny
helpless kids that desperately need the strong, well dressed, well
put-together woman to guide him and the family. At first this offended me,
but then one day I realized that men still make more money than women. After
that I felt much better.
What about the war in Iraq? I have seen one friend receive a purple heart
and another come home in a body bag, which made the war hit home. Do I still
think that we should have gone in? Of course I do. Remember, this is a group
of people that have publicly announced their intentions of wiping Israel and
America off the face of the map. These people need to be dealt with. They
think they can frighten us by downing a medical helicopter (which is how my
friend was killed, something that not even the Vietnamese did).
I say the next stop: Syria. And while we are at it, lets open a McDonald's
in each of these countries. In fact, lets build a McDonald's on the
outskirts of Mecca.
People say, "The US is not the world's police force." Well then who is? Is
it the UN? When they get some guts to actually do something, then we might
let them take over the job.
As in Spain, Europe shows that when they get attacked by aggressors they're
cowards because they don't want to get hit again. Hence they let Nazi
Germany run through Europe virtually unopposed. They would have let the
Soviets do the same, but naturally the Americans stopped them. Hell, they
couldn't even take care of the Serbs without our help.
Now people say, "Where are the weapons of mass destruction? Bush lied."
Well, we bombed Serbia for 70 days with depleted uranium shells that
destroyed the Yugoslavian infrastructure on the promise that there were mass
graves. Well, Clinton supporters, where are the mass graves that we were
promised? Did Clinton wage an unjust war on Serbia? I believe that anyone
that announces their intentions to wipe America off the face of the Earth
should be dealt with swiftly and comprehensively-end of story.
If there is a controversial topic you would like me to explore please e-mail
me.
Thank you for reading,
Vincent
Bob
VincentClark.org has been redesigned, I would appreciate any feedback on the
site. There is still plenty of work to do on it, but the basic concept is
there.
Now what is on my mind? A friend of mine e-mailed me the other day talking
about the Hubble telescope looking at galaxies 13 billion light years away.
Now the question he asked was: what is in the other direction? This got me
to thinking about Bob as a whole.
For those of you that don't know, I realized one day that nobody has named
the universe, so VincentClark Enterprise took it upon itself to name the
universe, and we named it Bob. Why Bob? Why not? There is no arguing about
that.
So how big is Bob? We are constantly told that Hubble is looking at the
beginnings of the Galaxy by looking at objects 13 billion light years away.
How is this possible? We would have to be moving faster, much faster than
the speed of light to be able to surpass the light from the beginnings of
Bob. This confuses me. My only guess is that there might be a giant mirror
that we are looking at that is reflecting the beginnings of Bob.
I personally think that it is a waste of time, because let's face it-three
billion years worth of light is not that exciting to me. You see one or two
galaxies, you have seen them all. Now if NASA wants to spend its money
wisely, prove that Pluto is not a planet so we can stop lying to school
children telling them that there are nine planets in our solar system. PLUTO
IS NOT A PLANET, VCE has officially made it official. This is important for
you to know to make the mother of all newsletters make sense. This works in
conjunction with typing Internet into Google. It is all about to make sense.
Soon you will get the greatest newsletter ever.
Vincent Clark
site. There is still plenty of work to do on it, but the basic concept is
there.
Now what is on my mind? A friend of mine e-mailed me the other day talking
about the Hubble telescope looking at galaxies 13 billion light years away.
Now the question he asked was: what is in the other direction? This got me
to thinking about Bob as a whole.
For those of you that don't know, I realized one day that nobody has named
the universe, so VincentClark Enterprise took it upon itself to name the
universe, and we named it Bob. Why Bob? Why not? There is no arguing about
that.
So how big is Bob? We are constantly told that Hubble is looking at the
beginnings of the Galaxy by looking at objects 13 billion light years away.
How is this possible? We would have to be moving faster, much faster than
the speed of light to be able to surpass the light from the beginnings of
Bob. This confuses me. My only guess is that there might be a giant mirror
that we are looking at that is reflecting the beginnings of Bob.
I personally think that it is a waste of time, because let's face it-three
billion years worth of light is not that exciting to me. You see one or two
galaxies, you have seen them all. Now if NASA wants to spend its money
wisely, prove that Pluto is not a planet so we can stop lying to school
children telling them that there are nine planets in our solar system. PLUTO
IS NOT A PLANET, VCE has officially made it official. This is important for
you to know to make the mother of all newsletters make sense. This works in
conjunction with typing Internet into Google. It is all about to make sense.
Soon you will get the greatest newsletter ever.
Vincent Clark
What Do I Think About
VincentClark Enterprise is now accepting ad banners. Currently there are two banners and one advertisement on VincentClark.net. We are hoping to expand on that in the months to come. VincentClark Enterprise is also pleased to announce that we successfully turned down Ilacas Enterprise's (http://ilacas.com) hostile takeover bid. The board voted to reject the deal on March 7, 2004 and is looking at taking over Ilacas.com. More information will be provided when the details are ready to be released to the public.
People often ask me, "Vince, what do you think about late at night after you successfully weeded out all the loosers in your phone book, purged all the e-mail addresses of people that you don't want to contact again, what is it that you think about?"
Why does my clock in the car slow down? I think I have this one figured out.You see, the closer you get to the speed of light the slower time goes. So when you are in constant motion in your car time is slightly slower than a stationary object. So if Einstein is right, then we will have shorter life spans depending upon our travel. Or is it the other way around, not quite sure, but this being in constant motion cannot be a good thing. Even when we are standing still, we are still on a rock that is spinning around 1,000 miles an hour spinning around a star at god knows how fast, the star is circling the center of the galaxy and the galaxy is expanding. How fast are we really going? What would happen if we were completely stop. Which gets me to think about ghosts. If they have no weight to them how are they staying on this planet and not being launched into space? If a Cadillac is going at the speed of light, what would happen if it turned on its headlights? Well if the same Cadillac was going 80 miles per hour and turn on its headlight, why is it that we can see them, since technically the lights are going at the speed of light plus 80 miles per hour. Not to mention the speed of merely existing on this planet, what is time? I am confused. With a trailing thought, look Souther California blows. Its bad enough with this heat in March, but if I see one more car commercial or financial investor getting cozy with their clients I am going to flip. This isn't right, they are hounding us commercial break after commercial break. That is why I will no longer eat, do, or buy anything I see on a commercial in Southern California.I feel like I am taking crazy pills! So watch out Seattle, if this keeps up so am I. (Get it, keeps up, Seattle north of us, up, get it?)
Thanks for reading,
Vincent Clark
People often ask me, "Vince, what do you think about late at night after you successfully weeded out all the loosers in your phone book, purged all the e-mail addresses of people that you don't want to contact again, what is it that you think about?"
Why does my clock in the car slow down? I think I have this one figured out.You see, the closer you get to the speed of light the slower time goes. So when you are in constant motion in your car time is slightly slower than a stationary object. So if Einstein is right, then we will have shorter life spans depending upon our travel. Or is it the other way around, not quite sure, but this being in constant motion cannot be a good thing. Even when we are standing still, we are still on a rock that is spinning around 1,000 miles an hour spinning around a star at god knows how fast, the star is circling the center of the galaxy and the galaxy is expanding. How fast are we really going? What would happen if we were completely stop. Which gets me to think about ghosts. If they have no weight to them how are they staying on this planet and not being launched into space? If a Cadillac is going at the speed of light, what would happen if it turned on its headlights? Well if the same Cadillac was going 80 miles per hour and turn on its headlight, why is it that we can see them, since technically the lights are going at the speed of light plus 80 miles per hour. Not to mention the speed of merely existing on this planet, what is time? I am confused. With a trailing thought, look Souther California blows. Its bad enough with this heat in March, but if I see one more car commercial or financial investor getting cozy with their clients I am going to flip. This isn't right, they are hounding us commercial break after commercial break. That is why I will no longer eat, do, or buy anything I see on a commercial in Southern California.I feel like I am taking crazy pills! So watch out Seattle, if this keeps up so am I. (Get it, keeps up, Seattle north of us, up, get it?)
Thanks for reading,
Vincent Clark
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